Raising a child is a difficult process and at the same time fascinating. Only becoming parents, we can once again return to childhood and into the fascinating world of games. However, building relationships with a small man promises constant obstacles. And basically they have a mental origin and affect the relationship of the offspring with their parents. Especially it concerns the period when the child begins to realize his / her sexual identity. If you also have similar problems, do not rush to sound the alarm and look for anomalies in the development of the child. Some of them are the age norm. One of the bright examples is the Electra and Oedipus complex.
Freud's psychosexual theory
The famous psychotherapist Sigmund Freud offered the world the theory that a person from birth is endowed with sexual instincts. The consequence of the manifestation of these instincts can be various childhood mental traumas. According to Freud, personal development coincides with psychosexual development. As a result of this interaction, the destiny of a person, his character, as well as various mental disorders or life difficulties are formed. The presence of various problems in adulthood or their absence depends on the course of stages of psychosexual development. There are 4 of them: oral, anal, phallic and genital. We will discuss in more detail the phallic stage.
In the period from 3 to 6 years, the interests of the child begin to form around the genitals. At this time, children begin to explore their sexual organs and ask questions related to sexual relations. In the same period, there is a personality conflict that Freud called the Oedipus complex (in boys) or the Electra complex (in girls). According to the myth, King Oedipus accidentally killed his father and entered into an intimate relationship with his own mother. When he realized that he had committed the irreparable, Oedipus blinded himself. Freud transferred this example to the phallic stage and characterized the complex as an unconscious desire of the child to eliminate the parent of one sex with him, and to have a parent of the opposite sex. In girls and boys this phenomenon manifests itself in different ways.
- Oedipus complex in boys. The very first and brightest object of the future man's love is his mother. From the very beginning she satisfies all his needs. Growing up, the boy learns to express his feelings as well as other people do, for which he observes. In other words, the boy plays the role of his father, imitates him in expressing feelings for the mother, and the father himself at that moment is a competitor for the child. During this period, many parents can notice how the boy repels the pope if he puts his mother or solemnly swears that he will marry her when he grows up. However, gradually the child realizes that it is senseless to measure strength with his father and is afraid of retaliation on his part. Freud called this feeling a fear of castration and believed that it was this fear that made the boy abandon his claims to his mother.
- Electra in girls. His prototype was one of the scenes of Greek mythology, when a girl named Electra persuaded her brother Orestes to kill their mother and mother's lover in revenge for the death of his father. Thus, entering into the phallic stage, the girl realizes that she is not like her father, she has a different structure of the genital organs, which seems to the child a disadvantage. The girl envies that the father has power over the mother and seeks to possess him as a man. The mother, in turn, becomes the main rival for the girl. Gradually the young lady suppresses craving for her father and, becoming more like a mother, somehow gets moral access to her father, and, becoming older, subconsciously searches for a man resembling him. In adulthood, the echoes of the Elektra complex can be seen in women's flirting, seduction and promiscuous sexual intercourse.
It should be noted that the onset of the phallic stage, which is approximately 3-6 years, should be a serious test for parents.
What should parents do? If you notice that the child reaches out to one parent and in every possible way rejects the second, it is worth explaining that this is also a close person who claims to respect and love the child. Do not show your child your relationship. Do not hug him or play intimate games with him, so as not to injure the psyche of the baby. If the situation is too complicated and lasts for a long time, it is worthwhile to contact the child with a psychotherapist. The sooner the corrective measures take place, the more the baby will have a chance to have a normal relationship with the opposite sex at an older age.