There are no ideal families. No matter how hard people try to believe in eternal love and no matter how they swear allegiance, even the sky is not cloudless. So, quarrels, lapping and discord in married life are almost inevitable. But it's one thing with horror to expect another black line in the relationship, and it's quite another to be aware of the laws of cohabitation and to be able to smooth out conflicts even before they occur. That is why the theme of family crises, will never lose its relevance.
Characteristics of the crises of family life
As one proverb says: who is armed is forewarned. Family life is not always predictable, but the knowledge of the psychology of relationships has already saved many couples and this fact is difficult to argue. The waves faced by the ship of family life are very different. Initially, entering into a union, two different people are doomed to addiction, grinding, small and large differences and defending their opinions and interests. These nuances are superimposed on the birth of children, growing up, living conditions and quality of life, and other reasons that may cause a crisis of marriage. That is why it is important to know what to be ready for and why certain periods of joint life can become problematic. So, according to most psychologists and according to statistics, the crises of family life by years look like this.
The crisis of the first year of family life
This period is characterized by the addiction of young spouses to a friend, to particularities and habits, as well as behavior in everyday life. Lapping begins, during which the old feelings become not so bright, which often scares the couple. In addition, mutual reproaches and quarrels begin, because the ideas and standards of family life begin to collapse and are not at all the same as the spouses imagined.
What to do? In order to survive this period more or less smoothly, the spouses must learn to distribute duties among themselves, make decisions together and try to make a compromise in any disputes.
The crisis of 3 years of family life
After three years, the spouses begin to depend on each other and try their best to change something in their lives. Some start communicating with old acquaintances, others try to change their place of work, etc. Also, the crisis of family life, when it turns 3 years old, is characterized by the fact that most couples have children. Not everyone reacts equally to the responsibility that falls on the shoulders. Moms, completely absorbed by children, accuse husbands of inattention and lack of care, and those in turn feel themselves superfluous and unnecessary.
What to do? To the relationship does not deteriorate, in this period it is important to keep yourself the person that once liked the second half. If it is a question of bringing up a co-child, it is necessary to learn to trust each other this difficult process and at the same time not forget that besides the child there are still feelings and doing something pleasant for each other.
The crisis of family life 5-7 years
Having lived together for a certain number of years, and having adjusted the way of life, the partners begin to cool down to each other. To a greater extent, this applies to men for whom the body of the spouse is already considered a read book or they complain that the relationship has lost its former romance. At this time, there is the greatest number of changes that allow the couple to once again feel the former passion. There is also a period of career growth in women who have long stayed at home with a child. Emotional recovery and the desire to change everything do not coincide with the aspirations of men, which can lead to disastrous consequences.
What to do? In this situation, each of the partners must decide not to race, who will earn more or make a career. The best way out of the crisis can be the freedom of choice presented by the spouses to each other, i.e. life on the principle: "If you want to possess, let go." Returning the old feelings is not the best idea. It is better to update them with the help of joint holidays or home romantic evenings.
Family crisis 10 years
This includes the crisis of family life 12 and 13 years. It would seem that after a long time nothing can shake the family way. However, during this period, each of the spouses begins a personal crisis of middle age, forcing to look back, and to assess what has been done in life. Many are afraid of the fact that there is too little time left and you need to start life from scratch. This is the second acute moment, in which, in pursuit of youth, the spouses begin to cool down and change each other.
What to do? At the time of the onset of personal self-interest, one does not need to go into oneself. It is better to solve these problems and life's claims together. Spouses are important to become even more support for each other than it was before. For 10-13 years it is difficult to keep the passion, but to become true friends and not quarrel over trifles - the task is quite feasible.
Crisis of a joint life
Characterized by the fact that the spouses begin the period of "empty nest" - the children grew up and run around, and if only they kept the family together, then in the marriage there may be a crack.
What to do? It is important for spouses to remember that leaving children from home is a great opportunity to start a relationship anew, as it was in his youth. As for intimate relationships, it is quite possible to try something new and experimental in bed. And to maintain a good relationship, it is enough to treat your partner with tenderness and attention.
In addition to the above, there are so-called non-normative family crises.
In any case, knowing that certain periods of joint life can be difficult moments, it is worthwhile to be ready for them. As soon as a sense of the next crisis comes, you need to gather strength and translate the relationship into a new direction. Remember that with the years of love does not go away. It mutates and allows spouses to make new discoveries in the relationship.