Adolescence is rightfully referred to as critical periods in a person's life. Many parents are anxiously waiting for their child to enter this "dangerous" age. They know that there will come a period when the behavior of their son or daughter will somehow change. The previously established rules of behavior and decision-making in the family become obsolete, and it will be necessary to look for an alternative. And in many respects from what lessons the teenager will extract from his crisis, it will depend on what kind of person will grow from it.
If parents knew in advance how exactly their teenager manifests during the growing up period, it would be easier for them to prepare for this difficult stage. But very often even the adolescents themselves do not understand what is happening to them and why they manifest themselves that way. For girls it is considered to be a crisis from 11 to 16 years old. Boys also face the teenager's crisis later - at 12-18 years. The age crisis of a teenager pursues such a goal as self-assertion, the struggle for the status of a full-fledged personality. And since in the modern society the requirements for the independence of men are higher, in boys the problems of the crisis of adolescence are more acute.
Characteristics of the crisis of adolescence
The adolescent crisis can not be considered an exclusively negative phenomenon. Yes, it is a struggle for independence, but a struggle that takes place in relatively safe conditions. In the process of this struggle, not only are the needs of the young man or girl satisfied in self-knowledge and self-assertion, but also models of behavior that will be used to overcome difficult situations in adulthood are honed.
In psychology, the crisis of adolescence is described by two diametrically opposite symptoms: the crisis of dependence and the crisis of independence. They both take place when each adolescent is growing up, but one of them always dominates.
- For the crisis of independence, stubbornness, negativism, obstinacy, self-will, depreciation of adults and disdainful attitude towards their demands, protests-riot and property-ownership are characteristic.
- The crisis of dependence is manifested in excessive obedience, dependent on the older position, a return to old habits, behaviors, tastes and interests.
In other words, the teenager tries to make a jerk and go beyond the norms established earlier, from which he has already grown. And at the same time, he expects that adults provide him with the safety of this jerk, because the teenager is still not mature enough psychologically and socially.
Often, the dominance of the addiction crisis in a teenager is very appealing to parents. They are glad that for their good relationship with the child there are no threats. But for a teenager's personal development, this option is less favorable. The position "I'm a child and I want to stay" speaks of self-doubt and anxiety. Often this pattern of behavior persists even in adulthood, preventing a person from being a full member of society.
How to help a teenager survive a crisis?
Consolation for the parents of a "rebel" may be that crisis symptoms manifest themselves periodically. But they can be repeated quite often, and the model of upbringing will still have to be adjusted. Given the characteristics of the crisis of adolescence, the most appropriate for parents is the authoritative style of upbringing, which implies a strong control over the child's behavior, which does not degrade his dignity. The rules of the game should be established during the discussion by all members of the family, taking into account the views of the grown up children. This will give them the opportunity to sufficiently demonstrate initiative and independence, increase self-control and self-confidence.