An assertive person is a successful, independent person, and often such people become irritated and condemned by some, while others cause a feeling of admiration and envy. Assertiveness is a skill that can be developed if desired.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a model of the behavior of a person who has completely taken control of his feelings, emotions, how he lives his life experience and relations in society. The concept of assertiveness came from the English language, is interpreted as defending one's opinion, rights and is expressed in the postulate: "I do not have anything to you, like you to me, we are equal partners".
Assertiveness in Psychology
For the first time, the concept of assertiveness manifested itself in the 50s of the XX century. in the works of A. Salter (an American psychologist-humanist). In his theory, A. Salter attached great importance to the vulnerability of the individual in society, the formation of defensive aggression and the mastery of manipulative behavior, such a relationship between people leads to a dead end, the scientist believed. Another pole of aggression is passivity, it is an unproductive behavior, and only assertive personality, in A. Salter's opinion, possesses the spectrum of qualities necessary for society.
Signs of assertive behavior
Assertive behavior is a concept very similar to self-sufficiency and often identical with it. On what grounds can you find assertive behavior:
- the person adequately and consciously perceives himself and others;
- inner and outer peace;
- correctly assesses their actions;
- purposeful;
- sincerely expresses his feelings;
- defends its borders and respects the boundaries of other people;
- Listens attentively and gives you the rest of the story;
- maintains eye contact with the interlocutor;
- is fully responsible for the manifestation of his feelings;
- knows how to melt with the feelings of other people.
Rules of assertive behavior
Assertive behavior involves taking personal responsibility for your life and what is happening to it. General principles or rules, which follows in their development a person who has embarked on the path of assertiveness:
- Effective communication with people in the key of sincerity, honesty and frankness.
- Demonstration of a positive intent.
- Non-involvement in the conflict and manifestations of aggression on the part of others
- Respect the point of view of the interlocutor, not to the detriment of himself.
- Striving for a compromise and mutually beneficial cooperation for both sides.
Assertive human rights
People who have supported this psychological concept follow certain postulates that Manuel Smith (American psychotherapist) formulated in his book "Training of self-confidence". Assertive rights based on self-affirmation that each person has rights:
- assess their behavior, feelings, thoughts;
- do not explain and do not apologize;
- Decide to what extent is or is not responsible for solving the problems of others;
- change your mind;
- to make mistakes;
- say "I do not know!".
- do not depend on the benevolent opinion of others;
- make illogical decisions.
- "Do not understand" the rest.
- openly, without guilt, to say "I'm not interested!".
How to measure assertiveness?
In order to understand a person with an assertive personality, or he has inclinations to this style of behavior, there is a simple test for assertiveness, in which it is necessary to answer "Yes", "No" to the proposed questions:
- Errors of others cause irritation in me.
- I can quietly remind a friend of my past duty.
- Sometimes I lie.
- I can take care of myself.
- I did not have to pay for transportation in transport.
- Rivalry is more productive than cooperation.
- I'm worried about trifles.
- I am very determined and independent.
- I have a feeling of love for everyone I know.
- I have faith in myself and understanding that I will cope with many problems.
- I must always be on guard and protect my interests.
- I do not laugh at indecent jokes.
- I recognize and respect the authorities.
- I can not make ropes out of me - I protest.
- Good beginnings are supported by me.
- I never lie.
- I'm practical.
- I am depressed by the very fact of the alleged failure.
- The saying, "Seeking the hand of help, above all on your shoulder" causes me to agree.
- Friends strongly influence me.
- Always right, even if others do not recognize my rightness.
- Participation is more important than winning.
- Before I do anything, I analyze and imagine what other people will think about it.
- Envy to me is not peculiar.
It is necessary to calculate the number of positive statements on the keys:
- Key A: 1,6,7,11,13,18,20,23.
- Key B: 2,4,8,10,14,17,19,22.
- Key C: 3,5,9,12,15,16,21,24.
- Key A leads by the number of positive answers: there are representations about assertiveness, but in life they are not applied. At this level, discontent is in relation not only to others, but to oneself. The smallest indicator for positive responses: a person does not use many chances in life.
- The key is B. If there are more positive statements here, then one can safely consider a person on the right path to master the skills of assertive behavior. Sometimes there can be aggression. The smallest score in this key does not mean that you can not learn assertiveness, it is important to show desire and perseverance.
- Key C : high parameters in this key indicate a person's high chances to master assertiveness. A low indicator for positive statements - a person is in the illusion of seeing himself in the best light, is insincere with himself and others. There is something to ponder.
How to develop assertiveness?
Assertive person, this is the person who realized his destructive scenarios and decided to change his life. You can develop assertiveness yourself, for this you need:
- to see in oneself a free in expression creative or "creative" personality;
- recognize that other people are also free in their opinions, feelings and emotions ;
- be benevolent and sincere.
- look, voice, facial expressions and gestures should radiate confidence.
Manipulation and assertiveness
Assertive behavior during manipulation is an excellent tool against imposing templates by manipulators, but there is a risk of slipping to the level of manipulation at the initial stage, when only the own rights of the person practicing assertive behavior are recognized as valuable, therefore one should understand and realize that assertive rights reflect to the same degree the rights of other people and then - this is an equivalent relationship.
Assertiveness - books
Exercises and practices for the development of assertiveness are presented in the best-selling books:
- "How to do everything in your own way." S. Bishop . An assertive person is a successful person who opposes manipulation and aggression. The book explores the methods of defending their interests, without sinking into conflicts.
- "The language of life. Non-violent communication. " M. Rosenberg . The NGO method has helped thousands of people and changed their lives for the better.
- "Theory and practice of assertiveness, or How to be open, active and natural." G. Lindelfield . The book describes the methods of developing self-assertive qualities for effective interaction with people.