Pity is one of the most controversial feelings. Someone writes it into the greatest virtue, and someone, with the light hand of Maxim Gorky, categorically declares that people's pity humiliates. In this article, we reflect on the topic of compassion, love and that, humiliates or exalts a feeling of pity.
"Regrets - means love" or pity for a man
It so happened that in our mentality, the parallel between these two emotions has firmly settled. So much so that sometimes we do not know what we feel for a man: love or pity.
Let's think that gives us and the other person a feeling of pity. When we regret someone, then, as a rule, we are guided by better motivations. It seems to us that we experience a feeling that exalts us. But over whom? Above the rest, do not feel pity for people? Over those who need this feeling? Stop. If a person needs your pity, then, it turns out, he recognizes himself lower than you (at the moment). He wants to feel love, but subconsciously he considers himself worthy of love only in such a manifestation of it.
If you feel sorry for a man, then, most likely, his feeling will be annoying, because a strong sex likes to feel control over the situation, and pity makes him lose control. Either, after getting into taste, and shifting the responsibility to your fragile shoulders, the man will try to press on pity in the future. History knows many similar examples. From the side such an alliance seems ideal, but quite often innocuous pity leads to far more serious consequences, and more often to male alcoholism. A person unconsciously strives to press on pity and becomes pathetic, both in his eyes and in your mind. The circle closes
Pity and compassion
Many would put these words in one row, as synonyms, but between the feeling of pity and compassion there are fundamental differences.
The problem of pity is that a person experiencing this emotion does not feel the strength or does not know how to help. Pity in this case is the emotion from the consciousness of one's generosity. It corrupts the giver and the one who receives it. No wonder, Indian wisdom says that pity only breeds suffering, but good gives love.
Compassion, however, differs from pity in the first place by its sincere desire to help. We perceive the other as an equal, and we maintain our respect for him in a moment of trouble. That's why we say compassion. Compassion, we perceive someone else's pain as our own, and we try to reduce it. Regretting, we observe what is happening from a certain distance, and concentrate not on good (desire to help), but on the very fact of pain and sadness. If pity is passive, then compassion is active.
A person who only thinks how to cause pity, voluntarily assumes the image of the victim. Getting in his network (wanting to feel love for yourself by feeling high, from our point of view, emotions), the regret tightens into the destructive whirlpool, and now you do not know how to get rid of the feeling of pity.
Sincere compassion is devoid of narcissism, it goes hand in hand with charity, attention and care. When a person says: "I do not know pity", this does not mean that he is callous, perhaps your interlocutor is devoid of cowardice.
How to get rid of pity?
- Noticing the habit of regretting everything that "regrets", think about what gives you this feeling. And, most importantly, how it helps another. Most likely, in any way. You just exchange destructive energy.
- Try to realize that by enjoying (and often that's exactly what happens) pity, you deprive another person of power and responsibility for your life.
- Think about how you can help someone you regret. Perhaps it's enough to cheer him up and bring back the faith in himself. Be ready to show love and understanding.
- And sometimes it is enough to pour a bucket of icy water in the form of truth and sometimes even tart words.